It has been a hard difficult week for me. I’ve been burdened with the knowledge that my Medicaid had not been approved yet. Then, while on a conference call, I was told that state had approved my disability. Yay! Burden lifted! Until the next day when I was told Medicaid had been denied. What? I was just told the day before that it had been approved! Well, turns out that I was in fact denied Medicaid. What I was told was that I truly had been approved for disability, unfortunately I took that to mean my Medicaid had been approved. I was deemed by the state to be “Disabled” (well duh! - I already knew that!) but that is not the same as being approved for Medicaid. Yeah I know, that too is a “well duh Charlton” thing - only I really didn’t know that then. I guess being “disabled” only entitles me to a disabled parking tag - how wonderful considering now I can’t DRIVE!
So, long story made long, I have always had a disability, but that disability is in being able to understand complicated (at least to me they are) processes such as insurance. I just shut down mentally when it comes to traversing the insurance landscape. Oh, I have tried to understand it mind you only when I start trying to understand it, trying to figure it out, my mind just goes into this free spinning mode, sort of like that 60’s toy the “WHEE-LO” - round and round, over up and under it goes, over and over and over, repeating its path with no conclusion - until I set it down and put it away. When I have gotten car insurance in the past I tried to understand what I was getting, but never really could. If only they had known that about me they could have sold me insurance for a waterfront home in the desert! The point is, when it comes to insurance, my mind basically shuts down. I cannot comprehend it. That’s not a copout, it’s just fact. Never have been able to comprehend insurance, I just nod knowingly and write out the check.
So the burden is back on, the weight is back on my shoulders, and I am feeling the heft of it.
I could go on about the other things that are heaped upon my shoulders at the moment but I won’t. Instead I’d like to point out the positives. For instance, here at this facility I count myself fortunate. They say “in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king!” Well, that is me here in this facility. Almost all of the patients here have some sort of mental incapacity to varying degrees. Dementia is the main culprit I believe. Yet I have all my mental faculties in place (okay, except for the ability to understand insurance I suppose). As a matter of fact the nurses and CNA’s here all love me. Except for bringing me my meds and meals on schedule I am pretty much left to my own devices. I may not have the use of my legs, but I can transfer myself from wheel chair to bed and wheel chair to toilet so I require the least amount of attention - and for that they give me attention, they are quick to get towels and toiletries I may need, answer questions for me, and even stop and chat for a minute during their grinding day.
Oh, I have a lot to be worried about and to be concerned about but I believe I’ll do what Jesus recommends - leave my worries with him. I can only do what I can do and I’ll let him handle the hard part.
